thoughts late at night.

i haven't been able to sleep properly for the last few nights.

i've had so much on my mind.

about my future; about a job, about my visa, about my family, about love and about where i'm going to be and what i'll be doing next year.
it really scares me to think about these thoughts but i guess they just pop into my head at night when i'm not busy. when i'm trying to sleep.

i've been trying to keep busy, hanging out with friends and working... and trying to get my job applications done.

tonight, i was thinking about the same shit before going to bed and then i realized that i could die any minute while i listened to my heartbeat. it's not really a pleasant thought to have before bed, but i thought about it anyway.
my heart could stop beating and i may never wake up, i might get hit by a car tomorrow, or get in a car accident on my way to work.
i might get stabbed by someone while i'm out late at night, or slip down the stairs and crack my head open.
all the drinking and naughty things i've done in the past might catch up to me and i might be diagnosed with some terrible disease.
and then i realized, it's not just me. it could happen to anyone.
it could happen to my friends, my family, the people i work with, the people i care about.
and THAT fucking scares me. more than getting a job, or finding a boyfriend, or staying in australia.


so, i'm going to stop worrying and thinking about silly things and just try my best because i know everything will work out in the end.
i'm going to think positively and look after my body.
i'm going to call my family tomorrow and message some friends i haven't spoken to for a while and see how they are going.

because life is fragile.

sometimes i need nights like this to remind myself that.
now, someone come cuddle me to sleep.

"When you have your health, you have everything. When you do not have your health, nothing else matters"